if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
