i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
