I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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