i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize