i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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