Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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