Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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