the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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