i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have already put on my inside pants.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
