I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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