Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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