what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
