I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
