Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
