it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
