did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
