my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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