I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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