Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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