if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
