I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
