I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
