Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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