there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
