We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
