The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
