Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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