Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
