we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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