you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize