i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
