Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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