I want to have your abortion
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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