my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hippo gnu deer
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
