What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
