I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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