girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
