my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
