He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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