Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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