mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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