who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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