First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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