you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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