So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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