apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
