i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
