For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
