But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
