I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
