Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
