i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
