Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize