Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
