Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
