yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
