Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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