Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
