I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
