omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
