70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
