She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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