I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
