U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
