i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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