i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
