I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
