I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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