We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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