If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
